Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Limericks: The Planets

So several friends of mine and I (but mainly one friend) have been amusing ourselves by writing limericks about the solar system. Dirty limericks, I might add. Some of them are truly works of genius (and I can say this without embarrassment because those are the ones I didn't write) so here they are.

1. The thoughtless young man on Mercury
Distressed his damsel demure, he
When the tip of his whip
Took a sip of her lip
It would spill out a can of his puree.

2. There was once a young man from Venus
Who had a very, very, very long penis.
He stuck it in a pond
And the fish clung on
To the penis of the man from Venus.

3. The most jaded soprano on this Earth
Not a man to bestraddle her big girth
Then a rhino forlorn
Rode her with his horn
And she squealed out her musical rebirth.

4. There was a doddering old man on mars
Who masturbated into the stars.
His wife went insane
When those drops of white rain
Streamed into her lime pickle jars.

5. The president who reigned over Jupiter
Stuck a cigar in a girl and then lit her
When they tried to impeach
They all heard him preach
That for sex, he'd have used his transmitter.

6. Life is pretty damn hard on Saturn.
There's never a predictable pattern.
Some days there are tits
Growing out of armpits
And on other days it's best to keep your hat on.

7. The men who loved men on Uranus
Soon tired of the talk of "your anus"
What is sexuality
But a free cavity?
So they learnt how to fuck with vaginas.

8. A nightclub once dwelled on Neptune
The best of its kind that side of the Moon
It had strippers and poles
Stuck inside their holes
And they blew out of those the most glorious tune.

9. The cranky young skank who ruled Pluto
Would trample all men underfoot, oh!
With the stock in her dock
And boy, could she suck cock
(But only when wrapped in prosciutto).


And apparently there's now a new planet called Sedna, so...

10. a randy man travelled to sedna and said,
all this talk of planets is hurting my head
so he went and he fucked
with his shirttails untucked
and found his balls hurting instead.

3 Comments:

Blogger thalassa_mikra said...

I want to poach your friends! Those are hilarious. And No.4, the one about Mars is pure genius. I once had a fairly long running email limerick exchange with someone that eventually petered out.

That was one of the most endearing aspects of A Suitable Boy, the fact that it had characters speaking in limericks. Do you guys do this on a regular basis?

1:11 PM  
Blogger SomeOl'Guy said...

why, thank you. have passed on your comments to the person who wrote most of them, including the one on mars. and no, we don't do this often, though i wish we did. it makes for a change from running regressions...

3:01 PM  
Blogger ~River~ said...

These are really very funny. I think the limerick is a very underestimated form. There are 'things' one can do with it!

9:21 AM  

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