You Know You're In Delhi When...

1. 'Behenchod' is routinely used by people on the street, in every sentence, almost like a puncuation symbol.
2. Everybody honks at red lights. For the longest time, I used to think irritatedly to myself 'Can't you see it's red?', until I realised that what people were honking at was actually the light, as if the noise would make it turn green faster.
3. Autowalas won't even consider using their meters. When you suggest using the meter, they give you this look like you just landed from another planet, and proceed to ignore you.
4. Everybody thinks they're a VIP, or at least that pretending to be a VIP is going to make them get what they want. This manifests itself in the Dilliwala's most favoured line: 'Oy, tujhe pata hai mera baap kaun hai?'
5. People think a place that's 15 km away is 'pretty close by'.
6. You throw a stone, and you hit either a newly-built flyover, or one in the works.
7. Your hairdresser's called Sylvie, and (s)he has the strongest jaw and the deepest voice of any Sylvie you've met.
8. Straight men walk around town in tight, semi-transparent, embroidered white shirts
9. People complain that Italian restaurants do not serve Tandoori Chicken
10. Everybody bitches about how much they hate the city, but nobody seems to want to leave.